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Beyond The Paradigm: The Skills of Limitless Human Potential A Series for the Caretakers of Humanity
By Valerie Thea Vandermeer In this ongoing series Valerie presents some of the “Skills of Limitless Potential” which form the elements of her EarthWalk methodology for working with children. These specific skill sets tend to be natural attributes for children, but with varying degrees of expression. Although innate, they are often forgotten or weak from disuse and most adults must remember and re-learn them. IV: From Dysfunction to Dynamic Function We now see many children blessed/burdened with extreme sensitivities. These children receive plenty of overt and subtle feedback that something is wrong with them, they don't fit in, or they don’t function well. They get very little feedback that their exceptionalities have an "exceptional" and culturally valuable aspect, regardless of the specific challenges they present. By shifting the focus from how the sensory system doesn’t work, to how it does and what is unique and special about that, the child becomes empowered to embrace the essential elements of how he/she relates to the world. To make the shift from dysfunction to “dynamic functioning” within the child and the family, we shift the focus to the underlying value inherent in the perceived dysfunction. For example, children with auditory processing problems and extreme sensitivity to auditory stimulus are often endowed with a unique relationship to sound and astonishing auditory abilities. In a Dynamic Functioning approach, the child is encouraged to focus on the ability to hear nuance and the ethereal in sound; exposed to many types of music; engaged in toning, chanting and sacred sound; and introduced to synesthesia related activities like listening to flowers sing or animals speak. For each area of “dysfunction” there is a corresponding hyper-ability to be appreciated. Children with tactile sensitivity are often wonderful healers with highly sensitive hands and an ability to feel the subtle energy fields around the body. Teach them a simple form of energy healing so that they can better appreciate these abilities. Children with visual sensitivities often have a remarkable relationship to color and an ability to “see” metaphysical phenomena. Many of these children love to paint or create with color and there are many interesting mandala coloring books that can help them ground their ethereal vision. Teach them about subtle body language, third eye exercises, and to draw or paint what they see in nature. For children who have physical awkwardness or issues with balance and proprioception, focus on the child’s expanded sense of self. Expose the child to closed eyed meditations and visualizations in which they imagine that they travel to the stars or are able to hold the entire earth within their bodies. In embracing the extraordinary, a profound shift occurs within the child that allows the natural relationship to these innate abilities to flower, provide context, and empower subtle changes which inherently and organically enhance overall functionality. The more we appreciate and nourish “the gift” of a child’s sensitivity, the more empowered that child will be to understand and manage the challenges of the sensitivity. In my experience, many highly aware children, not only respond to stimuli atypically, but they also react in a different way. We have all had an experience that was so distressing we felt compelled to turn our eyes away or an episode that we “put it out of mind”. I have noticed that aware children do not exercise this faculty of self-defence in the same way. Quite the opposite happens. They seem to intensely focus the full breadth of their attention on the disturbance. And when faced with a flood of overwhelming sensory stimuli, they tend to recoil rather than shutting out or shutting down. When these children are overwhelmed by sensory data, rather than filtering it out or shutting down the receptors, these children keep their receptors open and store the stress of the experience as emotional content. As a result, the child begins to store negative emotional content in the forms of ideas, visceral reactions, sense memory, and vibrational “baggage” that is dissonant with the child’s underlying sense of connection, harmony and balance. When a child goes into a reactive state in response to stimuli, the child’s is basically dealing with the question, “Am I safe?” But, every time the child reacts in a disempowered manner they literally strengthen and reinforce certain habitual body postures, specific pathways in the brain, and a growing level of general anxiety. In order to reverse that cycle, the child needs to be empowered with tools that engage the underlying functionality of the sensory system so they can manage the reaction and get themselves back in balance. One of the most dramatic sensory reactions, but also one of the easiest to work with, is that of smell. Sensitive children sometimes have very sensitive olfactory systems and can recoil anytime a strong odour is present. Whether in a café from the smell of roasting coffee or in the cleaning products aisle at the supermarket, an offensive odour can literally seize a child. Through the child’s earliest years the repeated experience of reacting to odours creates a powerful pattern that reinforces the sensitivity. It is easy to break the cycle, though. Allow your child to choose a natural essential oil with a pleasing aroma. There are several stores that allow you to test and even mix your own blend. Purchase a small atomizer of that oil which can be easily carried around. Whenever your child reacts to an odour, spritz a small amount of the oil on his or her wrist and instruct them to breathe in the “special smell” instead. Encourage deep breaths and keep the focus on the alternative aroma. It may take several months of consistent effort, but instead of feeling overwhelmed and helpless at the onslaught of an offending odour, your child will become empowered and know that he has tools with which to refocus and manage. Eventually, many children no longer need the oil as they simply learn that, although distressing, the event of being overwhelmed by sensory stimuli is temporary and manageable. And if you’ve forgotten the atomizer, remember that most waitresses can bring a slice of lemon pretty quickly and it tends to work too! Auditory stimuli can be the most challenging. A sudden or ongoing dissonant noise can wreak havoc on a sensitive system. But the same basic principle applies. The child wants to learn that strong sensory content is manageable. I’ve used a small tinkling necklace with great success to break the cycle of overwhelm. Simply have the child focus on the appealing tinkling sound or softly sing a familiar, soothing song directly into the child’s ear. Again, the purpose is to expand the child’s exclusive focus beyond the disturbance to include coping options. A surprising number of parents never leave home without the small foam earplugs you can purchase at the drugstore. These also help the child to feel empowered rather than helpless. Tactile sensitivities require a high degree of patience and understanding. Other stimuli are familiar as we can all relate to a noise startling us or being overwhelmed by an odour. But watching a child wrestle with a sock seam or a clothing tag can really activate parental irritation because most of us don’t even notice tags or seams. Verbally acknowledging the positive attributes of tactile sensitivity is helpful for both parent and child. Many parents don’t clothes shop with their sensitive children because it is too stressful, but you might try an outing in which the sole purpose is to walk around together touching the various fabrics and discovering which ones “feel right”. If your child needs a half hour more than most to get dressed in the morning, remind her -- and yourself -- that it’s because she is wonderfully sensitive. These kids need to have “touchy feely” items around them like pieces of silk or velvet or squishy toys to regain balance in the sensory system when they react. Children who have visual differences can often be the most perplexing to parents because they often react to sights that the parents do not see! From the most basic visual processing issues to an ability to see auras and other phenomena, they are in the midst of an experience that is elusive to others around them, which makes it doubly confusing. It’s important to acknowledge that the child is actually seeing something, even if you can’t. A well intentioned adult intoning “There’s nothing there – you’re fine.” simply reinforces the child’s terror, since clearly the grownups are not going to be able to help manage a situation which they can’t even perceive. “We all see different things but I can feel how frightened you are.” is more genuine language that helps create connection for the child. Directing a child in a visual reaction to completely alter their focus by looking at something very small and close or very far away can sometimes break the cycle. The child can carry tiny pictures that bring them visual joy to rebalance themselves and keep a pair of sunglasses on hand regardless of the weather. Adults often automatically respond to a child’s reactive stress with comments like, “You are OK” or “It will be all right.”, but the child’s inner spirit is designed to want more than that. It is striving for re-cognition (literally to know again) not only that they are personally safe, but that the collective One-ness is intact and well. In all these reactive situations use language that resonates with the child’s inner knowledge and sense of security like, “I am with you.” “We are all safe now.” “You are always connected to Spirit (God, Angels.…)” It is vitally important that the adult in these situations takes a moment to breathe deeply and personally affirm that all is well so that they can model a calming and empowered presence for the child. Too often we unwittingly go in to the very same reaction that our child does which reinforces their anxiety. Parents often turn to me when someone assigns an uncomfortable label like “Sensory Integration Disorder” to their child. Labels can be challenging and confrontational. But they can also provide important information and clues into the deeper natures of our children. When you simply discard a label, you may unwittingly be dismissing therapeutic tools that could be useful to your child. Allow the label to point you in the direction of anything that supports the underlying truth and uniquely extraordinary nature of each and every child, and let the rest fall away. In this way we shift from “dysfunction” to dynamic function. As a society we must ask ourselves, “How much dysfunction is actually a high degree of underappreciated future functionality?” Are our current therapeutic interventions open-ended enough to accommodate this possibility? For any attribute defined as dysfunctional, there is some related aspect of self that is extra-ordinary. For our children’s well being, we must engage that aspect of the sensory system and help them to embrace and honor their extraordinary abilities and empower them to reveal their true and splendid nature. © 2005, Valerie Thea Vandermeer To schedule a personal phone consultation with Valerie, click here. This article is the first in a series written by EarthWalk Founder, Valerie Thea Vandermeer, being published by Children of the New Earth Magazine Online. To read the rest of this series when it is first published or for more cutting edge articles on parenting, nurturing and educating today's children you can subscribe to CNE by clicking the link below.
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Copyright 2002-2005 Valerie Thea Vandermeer. All rights reserved. For problems or questions regarding this website contact valerie@earth-walk.net. Last updated: July 22, 2006. |
